*closes the eyes*, no way, it can't be true, it's just too simple *whack*.....i'm refering to one of my sequence, by God's grace, the small part of alignment of my sequence with one of the protein in the nr database is sufficient, more than i can ask for.....though it's a hypothetical protein, i'm still grateful that there is still a protein.....indeed a blank may seem like a blank, look deeper, think deeper, and u'll see how beautiful the blank is and how simple it is in nature.....in this mad world where everything goes by so quickly, we tend to take a blank as it is-an empty blank.....what we fail to see is what lies beyond the blank.....it may sound cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason, because they scarily hold true.....

lesson of the semester : a blank may not be a blank, it may be the most beautiful results.....
ps: the word MAY is also important, no point staring at a blank if it is really INDEED a BLANK.....haha, u know what i mean.....

and when i said that for every good thing, there will be a bad thing, i mean it! yes, i had another EcoR1 site, but my blast results were hopelessly blank.....Le ciel, m'aidez.....

i can't believe it, can u? i am finishing my 2nd yr in uni and i must say that time, flies.....(note: i would probably say it again and again simply because i do not want to grow up).....the past 2 years were turning points in my life.....many things that i tought i would never attempt, i tried, many things that i thought i would never pull through, i pulled through and the most obvious of all, many things that i was so/too confident about, came crashing down on me.....NUS is not only an academic university, it is, i have to admit, a university of life.....

i had 2 options when i first entered NUS :
1) to remain as a nerd from high school. In high school, i have always been known as the freaky i-memorised-the-biological-science-book nerd simply because i have chosen to potray myself as such then.

2)to potray an image like xxx. This unbelievable person puts on an image of i-don't-study but i-am-THE-top-student. It was unbelievable and beyond my understanding at that point of time in high school how he succesfully pulled off such a feat (he was online everyday on ICQ (recap:ICQ was like msn 6 years ago), never studies in front of his classmates and smiles whenever there is an exam). TO THOSE of u who thinks he really doesn't study, i can safely tell u that HE DOES, silently, of course.

my initial choice: option 2

i am no longer a nerd. From a person who openly tells the world that he studies 8 hours a day and puts on his thick ugly glasses, to a person who keeps a rather low profile and willingly puts on blue-coloured contact lenses at times. From a person who is unwilling to share his knowledge (this, i have learned the hard way, thanks to Arvin, and yes, i never did forget the incident), to a person who willingly answers every academic question posted to him. I have changed.

Looking back, xxx was, still human.

To my high school friends, when was the last time u saw me not studying in front of u?
To my present friends, when was the last time u saw me studying in front of u?
Both groups would probably answer NEVER.

"I do not have an idol. I believe having one would only limit our maximum potential." xxx

Indeed, that was how i saw him. I could be as scary as him, but i won't. i choose to have friends, friends for life.

my choice now : option 1 and a half=)

oh, pls tell me if u beg to differ.....if, any of u happen to read this, haha.....like any of u will

my biological clock, if there is still one, has totally lost its ability to function properly.....

take yesterday/today for example, i slept at 4am and woke up at 7am, went for a test at 10am and went back to my room at 12pm.....at 12.01pm, my liver tells me that it'll make ketone bodies for my brain if i do not eat in the next few minutes and at the same time my eyes threaten to puff up like the panda's if i do not go to bed.....12.02pm, i slept with an empty stomach.....4pm, i woke up and had my breakfast.....5.30pm, went for german lecture and was told that there'll be a vocabulary test next week.....

think my biological clock is bad? wait till u see my friend ketpin's one.....he is unbelievable.....


God bless us in NUS aka national university of suffering/suffocation

the oral test was like, well, just ok, at least the teacher didn't stare at me for speaking gibberish, on the other hand at some point of time, i swear that she was cause i couldn't understand her at times.....

First question:

Frau Martin Rudolph: wo woh.....Eltern?
Me: Entschuldigung?
FMR: Wo.....Eltern?
Me: *omg, i can't possibly ask her to repeat twice can i? could the woh... be wohnen? ah, just give it a shot* Meine Eltern wohnen in Malaysia.
FMR: Gut!
Me:*sweats*

Second Question:

FMR: Was studieren Sie?
Me: *what is life science in German? omg* Ich studiere Geographie. *i hope she doesn't check the student database.*
FMR: Prima!
Me: *sweating gets more obvious*

What seemed like eternity waiting for my turn to go into the tutorial room for my test ended so fast at the moment me and my partner stepped into the room. Ten minutes of hell, finally gone.....

Guten Tag! Ich spreche etwas Deutsch aber je parle en francais quelque fois quand je veux parler en allemand, it's freaky lar, i hope i don't speak french for my german oral test on manday.....

guess what? i found a GAATTC sequence in one of my DNA sequencing product, do u know what this means? do u? do u? do u know how important this GAATTC is to ME????? this is the EcoR1 site, i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw this site smiling brightly on me! that 2 bands in the gel photo, all fully expained, i love zebra fishes, i love GAATTC, u r my saviour! and when i blast in NCBI, i found matches, thank God i DO not need to re-do the 12 hour practical! although i only need one, 3 out of 4 of them have matches to Danio rerio aka the fish that i love the most, ahhhh, zebra fishes.....respect the organisms ppl, your life may sometimes depend on them.....ahhh, so now i have 3 sequences to choose for my report

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070321/ap_on_sc/germany_polar_bear

knut is cuddly
knut is cute
knut was almost "naturally" killed
then came the zoo
then many shouted "boo"
for saving poor knut
by giving him a hut
who' d be better off dead
than under human "threat"

so kill the bear? that's so mean.....then again, the mass media may have misinterpreted what some have said.....in any case, u can't deny the fact that knut looks much cuter than my childhood teddy bear.....

life goes on.....why am i such an idiot, why can't i listen to my inner self? why can't I? why? i am still human, i have my own addictions which includes wikipedia (in fact, wikipedia is my greatest addiction, a single word could keep me the whole night awake, literally).....i need a slap.....*smack*

it's no wonder why youtube is so popular.....it has allowed creativity to be expressed in the form of video.....video blogging isn't easy, it requires at least a small amount of confidence and i respect those who have it and flaunt it in a way that will eternally embaress themselves, well, at least, it provides entertainment that youtube vows to provide.....but why i love youtube so much is not because of these, but because of the uploading of episodes of soap operas and reality shows that i truly miss without a TV in my room.....to those who uploaded ANTM and the charmed series (yes, i can't get enough of prue, piper, phoebe and paige), i love u.....

up down up down, it's tiring.....i've come to realize that not only the profs in life sciences are mean and malevolent, the majority of them are.....as time goes by, i start to curse the profs more and more and i'm sure i am definitely not alone.....why do they have to do this to us? every semester, that one particular week that would kill off every activity besides studying and rushing for assignments.....yes, i am talking about that week, that week 13, my record breaking 3 tests and 3 assignments in the first 3 days of week 13 last sem is not the record breaking no. of assignments and tests, one of my friends LIVED to tell the tale of struggling through 3 tests in one day.....

i want my holidays, i want my vacation, i want to be free, i want rest, i want to dream.....

clinging on tightly with my final bit of strengh, just 6 more weeks et je suis libre.....

i believe for every good thing, there will be a bad thing.....like how i went through a low phase of pimple breakouts right before i got my CAP 5.0 results in sem 1.....coincidence? well, for sem 2 and last sem, the same thing happened, just that the breakouts were milder and my CAP a little lower than 5.0.....maybe it's just me who's too sensitive, or maybe it's the anticipation and stress over the outcome of the results that caused the unwanted breakouts.....then again, life has been a roller coaster, exicting yet, heart stopping at times.....like how my agarose gel seemingly showed 2 inserts where there should be only 1 and thought that omg, i need to redo that freaking 6 and a half hour experiment? eventually, i saw light, my insert has an internal EcoR1 site which made that lane having a pseudo-2-insert.....now, i'm relieved.....but i'll still be doing that 6 hour experiment again just to make sure.....in any case, i'll have more things to write in my report as compared to other ppl, all i need to do is to find the GAATTC site in the sequencing results to make sure there is really an internal EcoR1 site in my insert.....if i do not see GAATTC, then i think i would wait for a super good thing to happen to me.....

GOD bless me.....

life science lecturers are mean, they're just plain cruel.....

how i view them:

1) they think we are complete idiots who know nothing (remember the one who said the 12 ppl out of 300 students who got the question right just made a lucky shot.....apparently no one should know the answer to that question, so that no one gets 100).

2) when it comes to the time when they have to finish up a topic, they will then change their i'm-teaching-a-bunch-of losers attidude and assume we know everything by teaching at the speed the PCR amplifies a DNA.

3) they don't care whether we pass or fail.....they just want their research to succeed and their journals cited.....

4) they think they are bringing up a bunch of test tube washers and torture us with tests containing recycled questions that they do not release. in any case, some don't even mark our papers, fyi, the TA's do.

5) they have to cramp all tests and project deadlines in a week to further torture the potential test tube washers, to see how hardy and willing they are when they finally get to hold the brush and scrub the noble test tubes.

6) they provide expired products and faulty solutions during lab to further train us to be more hardy.

i'm frustrated, oh yes, i am.....if they give us water instead of TAE or give us faulty broth solution to grow our zebra fish in which my life depends on (pls, pls, i love u zebra fish, pls grow or i'll just die tomorrow with u.....).....i will just.....write my lab report stating why there's no results (hee, i love u lecturer too, if u happen to read this, pls ignore the first portion and give me more marks in the CA.....)

i wish.....

refractory period ends.....i'm ready to go.....

hold me tight, i'm going loose, and i mean loose.....almost black out during the 4 hour exam and every minute of it was spent thinking and writing until the merciless lecturers shouted TIME! with a wide malevolent grin.....no, u didn't read wrongly, it's 4 hours! 2 tests back to back, and worse, it's 2 different subjets, biostatistics and molecular biology.....basically after the biostats test, i exited LT27 and went in LT28 to start another 2 hour agony.....now, i feel like screaming at the top of my voice, but molecular bio had sucked out my final bit of energy, not permitting me to do so.....and the cherry on top of the cake is that i still have another 6pm to 8pm german lecture later.....oh, and not forgetting the icing-the lab report due next week and i've not written a single word.....

now i need hope.....save me.....
refractory period started again.....expected end time:tomorrow(hopefully)

denial is the state where u do not believe what others believe, it is relative.....relativity is a scale without a threshold with undefined ends.....

friend : studying is not everything.....
me : oh really?
friend : yes really.....
me : to each its own.....
friend : there's no such thing as relativity, it's either yes or no, true or false, boy or girl, good or bad.....
me : i don't know (if) a noble lie (told by a) hermaphrodite (is) good or bad. i rest my case.

denial is a state that we choose to be in, relativity justifies denial.
i am not a boy. i am androgynous.
studying is everything, deny as much as u like, let's see who wins.
i do not have great skin. i would die for one (not literally though).

if i am living in denial, u r too, according to my rules.....

ok, i'm so full of crap.....i'm stress la, tomorrow i have a 40% CA!!!!!!!!!

wow.....somebody actually read my blog.....
when someone reads my blog, i feel the pressure of writing something decent.....my thoughts are wild and scary, at least, i find myself scary.....i have weRnism, the ultimmate psychological disorder (i hereby officially coin the term).....what's weRnism?

signs and symptoms of weRnism:
when your name is han wern
when u have multiple personalities ranging from those of a tame kitten to a wild cheetah
when u admire great skin
when u admire the number 5.0, omg, it's 5.0!!!!! the perfect 5.0!!!!! (there i go again.....)
when u treat everyone as your enemy the first time u meet them as a form of self defence
when u study like a mad cow
when u so wanna beat the person up who said tapetum
when u love your own reflection
when u hate the world but try to love (not!)
when u value the friendship of a selected few
when u're desperate to find another creature with weRnism

i have been competitive for a very very long time.....there are reasons which are quite personal why i have been what i am.....i amplify my failures a million times so that i can live in misery while i feed on it.....failure is to motivation as glucose is to brain, of course, there are still ketone bodies when glucose is absent.....and failure, i must say, is one common thing in my life.....i thank God for failures, i thank God for allowing me to learn through my failures.....i may not be the best, nor get the best, even if i deserve the best.....i did not get what i wanted (more than the calendar), but i am able to sit on the floor during a shower, eyes closed and satisfied.....refractory period is over and my motivation is well fed, i am ready to go again.....i believe God allows everything to happen for a reason though i must admit that i often question his actions with tears.....but no matter what, i smile myself to bed.....

i am beautiful no matter what they say, words can't bring me down.....weRnism